I must be too annoying 4 u.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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