i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
