So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
