Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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