She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
