The maid of honor just puked.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
