real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
