how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
