Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
