just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
