She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
