I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
