Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
