she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
