Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
