She said her name was "party"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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