What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
