I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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