That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
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He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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