I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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