You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
