Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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