i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
