We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How external is "for external use only"?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You've changed since you got that strap on
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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