it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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