Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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