i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
