i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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