did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
