Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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