sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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