she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
