Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
