remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
