please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
