Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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