I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
