Having a random hookup so left but love u
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
