Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
