I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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