waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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