omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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