About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
