I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
