Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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