don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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