"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
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It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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