And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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