GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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