We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
