i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
