remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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