Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
