Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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