My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
