Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i love accidental penises.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i've created a new STD.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
