I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
