sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
