I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
