Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
