Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
