Taylor Swift is so right about you.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
