I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
