I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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