i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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