so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
