Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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