you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
