Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
