this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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