THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize