I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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