There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just found puke in my bra..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
