READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
