idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
