I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
