I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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